The Most Beautiful Heart

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.
Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared -- how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought?
The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears." "Yes," said the old man, "yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.
~Author Unknown~

Cerita ini mengingatkan aku pada abang. Dia bukan manusia sempurna tetapi bagi aku, dia memiliki hati yang begitu luhur. Semalam aku luangkan masa membaca sebahagian emel daripada abang yang memenuhi kantung inbox hotmail. Terasa bagaikan abang ada di sisi menemaniku membaca setiap bait kata yang tertera. Dalam puluhan emel yang aku ulang baca semalam, aku amat terkesan dengan kata-kata abang yang satu ini.
"Kita ialah makhluk Allah yang paling istimewa tetapi kita sering melupakan keistimewaan itu dengan mengatakan kita cuma manusia biasa. Sebagai manusia biasa kita pasti terkhilaf namun kekhilafan kita bukan semata-mata kerana kita manusia biasa. Kadang-kadang kita terkhilaf kerana kita menidakkan keistimewaan kita. Jadilah manusia biasa yang istimewa. Istimewa dengan cara kita sendiri."

Menyusur kembali setiap kenangan bersama abang membuatkan aku semakin faham maksud di sebalik kata-kata itu. He loved me dearly. He knew all my secrets...deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows...and yet in the end, he didnt think any less of me; even if the rest of the world does. Sesungguhnya abang seorang manusia biasa yang istimewa dengan caranya sendiri. Mampukah aku mencontohi abang untuk menyayangi manusia di luar sana dengan sebegitu ikhlas? Mampukah aku memberi sinar kepada orang lain seperti yang dihasratkan oleh arwah Tok Ayah sewaktu menamakan aku dulu. Bukan mampu atau tidak tapi memilih antara nak atau tak nak!

Abang,
Hari ini seperti 6 tahun yang lalu, adik tidak lagi berkesempatan memeluk dan mengucup tangan dan pipi abang untuk mengucapkan Selamat Hari Lahir. Hanya doa dihadiahkan semoga abang aman di sana. Maaf kerana sudah lama adik tidak mengunjungi pusara abang. Adik tidak mahu lagi membasahkan pusara abang dengan air mata. Cukuplah adik mendoakan kesejahteraan abang dari jauh.

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.”

Kebelakangan ini aku dikuasai emosi. Terlalu. Emosi aku seakan mengalirkan lahar yang sekian lama terpendam. Lahar itu tidak meletus tapi cuma mengalir perlahan. Namun cukup untuk menutup pandangan hati aku tentang sesuatu yang selama ini amat aku mengerti dan fahami. Sedar atau tidak aku telah melukakan hati insan (mungkin insan-insan) yang amat aku sayangi. Ya...aku manusia biasa yang selalunya tewas dengan emosi tapi itu bukan alasan untuk aku menidakkan kesilapanku. Salah tetap salah dan aku tidak malu untuk memohon maaf.

Dear bro,
I know that you believe I understand what you think and what you said. But I'm not sure you realize that what I heard is not what you meant. There is a great difference between knowing and understanding. You can know a lot about something and not really understand it.