Sweet Revenge

I’ve been working around the clock for three days. Exhausted but I’ve to settle all the pending works. Time is running short. Meanwhile, I’ve done and still doing my best to understand each one of the people around me. Understand their problem and condition, their silent as well. Avoid to burden them and said nothing at all when they ignored even though it was really important for me. I'm dealing with the chaos like I’m not an ordinary human being but a superwoman who is able to satisfy everyone. I’ve been trying to keep being a good listener with a strong heart. Stop hoping and stop asking from people though.

At 5.30 this morning, I decided to drive to a place. I reached and stared at the place called home with tears running on my cheeks. A place belongs to the people whom I love and care very much – forever, with Allah’s will. The people whom long ago I hope very much could be my own family. It was my bad for losing them since I didn’t know how to be with them. But I tell myself to keep giving although I may get hurt because I may receive nothing from them. Not that they won’t give me but it might not be something that I want. I’ll do my level best to give them whatever they want but they might end up giving me something that they think I want or I need.

I always picture that I can go to them at anytime I want – share the joys and sorrows. Spend time with the kids and have fun with them even it just staying at home. Go out for a meal together like a family. Yeah…it used to be as I pictured in my mind. It happened to be more than that – bigger family. But at this moment, the picture fracture. I feel weird and awkward among them. I feel like a stranger to them although they said I’m part of them. I don’t feel so since I’ve never been treated as one. I make it worst when I indulge those revenges as an escapism.  A ‘sweet’ revenge which only Allah knows how I have the gut to mix guilty and unfaithful with love and care. 

I left and here I am. Wheedling myself to let it be and take it as it is. Trying hard to stop crying and hope to make today another great day.

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