I'm Exhausted

Days went when I felt so happy and content, and confident that my life would be OK, and then as quickly as the feeling came it would disappear and I would feel sadness setting in again. There were my happy days when I would walk around with a smile on my face. Then I would fall into days of deep dark depression. Then finally build up the strength to be positive and to snap out of it for another few days. But the tiniest and simplest thing would trigger off my tears again. It is a tiring process and most of the time I couldn’t bother battling with my mind. It is far stronger than my body.
I never seem truly happy. I can’t remember the last time I felt truly happy, when somebody or something caused me to laugh so hard my stomach pained me and my jaw ached. I miss going to bed at night with absolutely nothing on my mind. I miss enjoying eating food instead of it becoming something I had to endure in order to stay alive. I miss enjoying reading my favorite books instead of it being something I would stare blankly at to pass the hours. I hate feeling that I had no reason to wake up and I hate the feeling I had when I wake up. I hate the feeling of having no excitement to look forward to. I miss the feeling of being loved, being cared and being supported. I miss so many people and so many things.
I know life will never be the same again. I’m doing what I want but I just seem to be passing time and no life in it. I'm existing not living. I feel so tired. I feel like I’m loosing my strength & I’m all alone on the wrong path.

The Names I Will Never Forget

Today is the day I wish to think about myself. Seek both in my heart and soul, for the names of those, whose names are written in my book of life.
The names of those I have now lost touch with and the names of those who are close to me every time I need them.
I want to go through each page of my book and remember the names that were important in my childhood, my young years and now.
Those I no longer meet often and those I meet every time the sun rises.
The names of those I will always carry in my mind.
Those who stood by me in hard times and those with whom I share a smile.
The names of those I have hurt and those who brought a tear to my eyes.
Those from whom I have learned lessons and perhaps have learned something from me.
Those names are now part of my human existence.
Those that are no longer here, are with me in every prayer and the names of those that came into my life for a season and then carried on their own journey are etched in my heart.
I am thankful to those that at one time or other have been with me in times of sadness and loneliness.
Those who have always encouraged me and lent me an ear when I had lost my way.
True friendship is like the marriage of souls, sharing good times and bad times. Friendship is feeling what the other feels. It has no time, age, colour or sex. It has no boundaries. It is magnanimous with the faults and enhances the the virtues of others.
As I go through the pages of my book I would like every thorn to change into a bed of roses. Change tears into smiles and hugs, and change the darkest night into a starry one. Change each aching minute into a feeling of total happiness and relief.
I am thankful you have let me be a part of your life story and wish I have been or I am part of yours.
I am thankful for each of those names that have left a mark in my heart.
Making friends is a blessing. Having a friend is a gift, being or having been your friend is an honour.
I love you...

Friends... If You Still Care Enough For The Living

Portrait of a Friend

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

~Anonymous~

Let It Be...

Have you ever had that feeling, a feeling of heartfelt desire, and a feeling that you are losing something? I'm not talking about death here mind you, it's about losing someone dear to you, someone you really want to be with. I have had incidents as such described. The point is, have you been in the shoe where giving up is the best option you had? I know giving up is not a good word, but I guess it fits the idea. Let's put it in this way, this someone that you absolutely want to cuddle and hold on to forever, suddenly tells you that it's not gonna work out. Your partner wants to bail out. What do you do? Normally I guess you'd just start choking your partner to death while asking them to explain. You're killing them? No, I mean seriously, don't you think you deserve an explanation? Whether they have been out fooling around, they met someone new/better, they are not interested in the opposite sex, or even you're just a rebound, a toy! OK that was a bit overrated. I mean to have someone telling you that there is no future between you and your partner is actually a step forward. Be it your suggestion or theirs, it shows someone is looking at the future and sees things beyond the current situation of bread and water for life. However, this kinda situation demands an answer, if not the aftermath is devastating as it leave the person in a state of denial. It goes the same to two persons who could not be together because of reasons not of their own. And believe me, if you know you cannot be with someone because of some reason not related to you, the feeling is devastating. You feel the world crashing down and every darn thing in this planet is against you.
How do you get over such emotions and situations? I know a lot of people will come and say, let it be, let by gone be by gone, and other stuff like that, but is it really what should happen. I know letting go and move on is the ultimate answer, but how do we do it? And if we claim that we have done it, have we really lift the burden off our shoulders? How do you know that you have actually gotten over some one or something? I believe that when you still hold something inside your heart, be it love, hatred or revenge, then you have not gotten over anything but instead you have build up a dark room in you heart for this particular someone. If you were to lift the burden, you would not have a string of hatred or thoughts of revenge or even cupids arrow of love. You would just treat the person like a newfound friend. But how many of us can do it? Can you do it? Can you let go and wash all your love, hatred or revenge down the drain and into the ocean? You tell me, and if you are able to do it, then tell me how. I have been trying for years and been telling myself I should and I will get over it, but in the end, I found out that I still have not been able to do it. Yes, the feelings has definitely subsided, I mean it has definitely shrunk for enormous to big and then to small, but it is still in the heart. I have told myself before that I have to let go. But I think I have redefined the work to let go wrongly. I believe that letting go does not necessary mean that you have to delete them from your brain and treat them indifferently. I think it's wrong. I think letting go means to learn the right from the wrong. Differentiating the past from the present. It has been apart of our lives, we can't just forget things just like that. We can't just delete and empty the recycle bin. I believe each and everyone of us has been through a lot and we have a secret little room in our heart that keeps all these no matter if it's good or bad, happy or sad, joy or sorrow. The lesson to be learned is to look back at these treasures we lock up in our hearts and be able to say, "I've learned from the bad, sad and sorrow" and "I've gained from the good, happy and joy".

The Power Of The Dream

Deep within each heart
There lies a magic spark
That lights the fire of our imagination
And since the dawn of man
The strength of just "I can"
Has brought together people of all nations

There’s nothing ordinary
In the living of each day
There’s a special part
Every one of us will play

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
As the world gives us its best
To stand apart from all the rest
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

Your mind will take you far
The rest is just pure heart
You’ll find your fate is all your own creation
Every boy and girl
As they come into this world
They bring the gift of hope and inspiration

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world unites in hope and peace
We pray that it will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

There’s so much strength in all of us
Every woman, child and man
It’s the moment that you think you can’t
You’ll discover that you can

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world unites in hope and peace
We pray that it will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world unites in hope and peace
We pray that it will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

The power of the dream
The faith in things unseen
The courage to embrace your fear
No matter where you are
To reach for your own star
To realize the power of the dream
To realize the power of the dream

We Will Not Go Down

WE WILL NOT GO DOWN (Song for Gaza)
(Composed by Michael Heart)
Copyright 2009
michealheart.com

A blinding flash of white light
Lit up the sky over Gaza tonight
People running for cover
Not knowing whether they’re dead or alive

They came with their tanks and their planes
With ravaging fiery flames
And nothing remains
Just a voice rising up in the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Women and children alike
Murdered and massacred night after night
While the so-called leaders of countries afar
Debated on who’s wrong or right

But their powerless words were in vain
And the bombs fell down like acid rain
But through the tears and the blood and the pain
You can still hear that voice through the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

You Can and You Can't