The Year Is Almost Gone

The year is almost gone but it also made us strong.
The path was long but we walked it with a song.
There were fears and tears but we also had reasons for cheers.
Wishing you happy memories of 2008 and have a great 2009, InsyaAllah.

Jentayu

“There are certain things that are fundamental to human fulfillment. The essence of these needs is captured in the phrase 'to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy'. The need to live is our physical need for such things as food, clothing, shelter, economical well-being, health. The need to love is our social need to relate to other people, to belong, to love and to be loved. The need to learn is our mental need to develop and to grow. And the need to leave a legacy is our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence, and contribution”
~Stephen R.Covey~

Jentayu

Di paruhmu kemilauan sinar
Menyepuhi sejuta rasa
Kemulian di hatimu
Bening budi terdampar di jagat raya

Di sayap taufan kau jelajahi
Awan gemawan membawa rindu
Kasihmu menentangi kezaliman
Ketidakadilan

Jentayu
Patah sayap bertongkat paruh
Jentayu
Patah paruh bertongkat siku
Jentayu
Patah siku bertongkat dagu
Jentayu
Patah dagu bertongkat kuku

Pinjamkanlah hatimu
Untuk semua

Pinjamkanlah syahdumu

Maal Hijrah 1430H

Life Worth Living

Does Missing A Person Mean That You Need Him?

When all is said and done, you were part of me. That's the way it was meant to be. People are brought together for a reason, everything happens for a reason. I believe the reason that you and me were brought together was because we complete one another. We fill in each other's missing spots with love. And when God decided to tear us apart, I believe that there was a reason. Because if there was a reason for love, there was a reason for life beyond it.

Thanks very much Kak Sya. Thanks for bringing him back to me although it was just a memory of him.

Time

One cannot buy, rent or hire more time. The supply of time is totally inelastic. No matter how high the demand, the supply will not go up. There is no price for it. Time is totally perishable and cannot be stored. Yesterday's time is gone forever, and will never come back. Time is always in short supply. There is no substitute for time. Everything requires time. All work takes place in, and uses up time. Yet most people take for granted this unique, irreplaceable and necessary resource. Nothing else, perhaps, distinguishes effective executives as much as their tender loving care of time.

A Year Older...

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

To "you":
* Thanks for the wishes & prayers
* Thanks for the hugs & kisses
* Thanks for the wonderful moments
* Thanks for the "Extraordinary Living"
* Thanks for the "Memories"
* Thanks for the "SR" "Johnny's" & "Sense"
* Thanks everyone for everything

May ALLAH bless all of you. I love you.

Small Things...

"We cannot do all great things, but we can do small things with great love."
~Mother Theresa~

Still, I think people underestimate the importance of the small things in life. There may be a few major things that have affected me, but more often it is the accumulation of small experiences that build into something more. I have hundreds of memories of small things that people did which have had an incredible impact on me and my thinking.
There have also been a few times in my past when I have been walking around, feeling kind of down for whatever reason, and someone I am walking by smiles at me. It is amazing how such a simple act can raise my spirits. I doubt they would remember smiling at a stranger, but I certainly remember their kindness. In fact, these small acts have had a lasting impact on who I am.
I have also noticed that small things have a way of coming back to you. Since they can have such a large impact on others, they can reverberate through social networks like a wave. Making people feel better makes them more likely to make others feel better, and that makes others more likely to make others feel better... which means that you will inevitably be hit by successive waves of small things that make you feel good if you do good things. Of course, anger and hatred work the same way. Being mean to someone can reverberate through the community just as easily, and come back to bite you. At least, that has been my experience, and the findings of my countless observations of those around me.
I'm no longer take it for granted that what I do does not matter, and I have tried to become constantly conscious of how my actions can impact others. Let us make a difference. By nurturing our own 'world', we too, can make a difference. Maybe you consciously pick up the phone and brighten someone's day or maybe you have lunch with a friend. Maybe you let someone go ahead of you in traffic or hug someone a few seconds longer. Or maybe you do something small with great love... for yourself.

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person."
~Mother Theresa~

I Know What I'm Doing, Anyway. Do You?

"Those who love me don't need my explanation and those who hate me don't care about my explanation."

I read this story last few months in a blog and I think it is worth to share it here.

In a kingdom of Arabia lived a queen called Layla. Her wisdom illuminated the land like the sun, her beauty blinded men, and her wealth was greater than any of her subjects.

One morning, her chief advisor asked to see her, and said:

- Great queen Layla! You are the wisest, most beautiful and wealthiest women in the world. But I have heard unpleasant things; some people laugh at or complain about your decisions. Why, in spite of all you have done for your subjects, are they still not content?

The queen laughed and replied:

- Loyal advisor, you know how much I have done for my kingdom. Seven regions are under my control, and all of them have enjoyed peace and prosperity. In all the towns, the decisions of my court are just and inspired.

"I can do almost everything I wish. I can order the frontiers to be closed, the gates of the palace to be locked, the treasury coffers sealed indefinitely.

"But there is one thing I cannot do: make the people shut their mouths. It matters not what false things people say; the important thing is to continue to do that which I consider to be true."

And here is another story...

“I am willing to give up everything”, said the prince to the master. “Please accept me as your disciple.”

“How does a man choose his path?” asked the master.

“Through sacrifice,” answered the prince. “A path which demands sacrifice, is a true path.”

The master bumped into some shelves. A precious vase fell, and the prince threw himself down in order to grab hold of it. He fell badly and broke his arm, but managed to save the vase.

“What is the greater sacrifice: to watch the vase smash, or break one’s arm in order to save it?” asked the master.

“I do not know,” said the prince.

“Then how can you guide your choice for sacrifice? The true path is chosen by our ability to love it, not to suffer for it.”

Be Responsible

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”

How You're Going To Live?

You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now.

Send Them Your Heart

There comes a time
When we head a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
And it's time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can't go on
Pretending day by day
That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
We are all a part of
God's great big family
And the truth, you know love is all we need

[Chorus]
We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

Send them your heart
So they'll know that someone cares
And their lives will be stronger and free
As God has shown us by turning stone to bread
So we all must lend a helping hand

[Chorus]
We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

When you're down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There's no way we can fall
Well, well, well, well, let us realize
That a change will only come
When we stand together as one

[Chorus]
We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

Everyone Has Been Hurt

Everyone has been hurt but what important is to stand up & move on...

Kita Ini Tetamu Senja

Kita datang ini hanya sebagai tetamu senja
Bila cukup detik kembali kita kepada-Nya
Kita datang ini kosong tangan kosong dada
Bila pulang nanti bawa dosa bawa pahala

Pada tetamu yang datang dan kenal jalan pulang
Bawalah bakti mesra kepada Tuhan kepada insan
Pada tetamu yang datang dan lupa jalan pulang
Usahlah derhaka pula kepada Tuhan kepada insan

Bila kita lihat manusia lupa tempat
Atau segera sesat puja darjat puja pangkat
Segera kita insaf – kita ini punya kiblat
Segera kita ingat – kita ini punya tekad

Bila kita lihat manusia terbiar larat
Hingga mesti merempat ke laut biru ke kuning darat
Harus kita lekas sedar penuh pada tugas
Harus kita tegas sembah seluruh rasa belas
Kita datang ini satu roh satu jasad
Bila pulang nanti bawalah bakti padat berkat

~A.Samad Said~

Thank You ALLAH

I asked for strength...
and ALLAH gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for wisdom...
and ALLAH gave me problems to solve.

I asked for courage...
and ALLAH gave me obstacles to overcome.

I asked for love...
and ALLAH gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for favors...
and ALLAH gave me opportunities.

Maybe I received nothing I wanted.
But I received everything I needed.

The Best Is Yet To Come

The Journey - Lea Salonga

Half the world is sleeping

Half the world's awake

Half can hear their hearts beat

Half just hear them break

I am but a traveler

In most every way

Ask me what you want to know

*Chorus*

What a journey it has been

And the end is not in sight

But the stars are out tonight

And they're bound to guide my way

When they're shining on my life

I can see a better day

I won't let the darkness in

What a journey it has been

I have been to sorrow

I have been to bliss

Where I'll be tomorrow

I can only guess

Through the darkest desert

Through the deepest snow

Forward, always forward I go

*Chorus*

Forward always forward

Onward always up

Catching every drop of hope

In my empty cup

*Chorus*

What a journey it has been

Do We Really Hold People Big?

Pabila Hati Dah Jemu

Hujan belum berhenti. Sejak tadi. Hujan di hati kian lebat.
Lembar-lembar kertas dengan catatan bertarikh 11/11/2007 aku baca satu persatu. Hampir semuanya tercatat ungkapan “I Love You”. Itulah isi hati mereka pada ketika itu. Ya…pada ketika itu. Hari ini semuanya mungkin sudah berubah. Mungkin ada hati dah jemu. Mungkin ada sayang yang dah beku. Entah…semuanya hanya MUNGKIN. Aku tidak mampu menebak hati manusia lain. Yang terzahir hanyalah tingkah laku dan tutur kata yang kadang kala mencerminkan isi hati.
Hati ini menangis mengenangkan sukarnya menjadi manusia yang tidak ‘diiktiraf’. Sukarnya menjadi manusia yang bukan siapa-siapa. Sukarnya menjadi manusia yang bijak dan matang. Sukarnya menjadi manusia yang kuat dan tabah. Sukarnya meluah rasa hati kerana setiap kata-kata dijustifikasi. Tapi tolonglah fahami aku…
Aku juga manusia seperti mereka. Aku juga punya derita yang aku simpan seperti mereka. Aku juga mahu dibelai dengan kata-kata sayang seperti mereka. Aku juga mahu rajukku dipujuk seperti mereka.
Jangan kerana aku ini dianggap kuat dan tabah, aku tak perlukan itu semua. Jangan kerana aku ini dipandang bijak dan matang, aku harus menelan segala caci dan nista. Jangan kerana aku ini bukan siapa-siapa, aku diperlakukan seperti aku tak pernah memberi apa-apa.
Sekali lagi tolonglah fahami aku…setiap baris kata yang kulontarkan itu bukannya kerana aku tak mensyukuri nikmat Tuhan. Setiap baris kata yang kuluahkan itu bukannya kerana aku mengharapkan balasan atas segala yang pernah aku beri. Setiap baris kata yang tercatat itu hanya untuk menyedarkan kau dan sesiapa jua bahawa aku ini manusia biasa.
Seandainya benar ada hati dah jemu, renungkanlah… Kasih sayang tidak hanya benar pada ketika itu tapi akan kekal benar buat selamanya.

Selamat Hari Lahir Faiq...Semoga sentiasa dilindungi Allah dan membesar sebagai anak yang soleh.

Biarkan Semalam Menjadi Sejarah

Bagiku yang sudah biarlah, pergiku tunduk mengalah. Biarkan semalam menjadi sejarah. Yang manis kukenang berpanjangan, pahit tak perlu usah disimpan. Bukan kumenaruh dendam hiba, atas segala duka dan lara. Malah kupercaya semua ini, mungkin ada rahmat yang tersendiri.

Spirit Of Love

You will find as you look back on your life that the moments that stand out above everything else are the moments when you have done things in a spirit of love.

Heartless

Pernah tak kau rasa...seolah-olah hati ini mahu dirobek, dicampak jauh-jauh? Tiada lagi hati, tiada perasaan. Jadi kau tak akan rasa sakit.
Kau tak rasa gembira
Kau tak rasa takut
Kau tak tahu marah
Kau tak akan keliru
Kau tak membenci
Kau tak akan cemburu
Kau tak kecewa
Kau tak akan sedih
Kau tak terseksa
Kau tak rasa sendiri
Kau tak mengharap
Kau tak menyayangi...

I am so full of emotions that I think I'm just waiting to explode. Itu yang aku rasakan sekarang. Kalau boleh untuk buang hatiku...then, call me heartless! Itu lebih baik daripada jadi bom jangka.

I think I need to get out of here...

~LUVE~

Journey

A Message From Behind The Door

If one day you feel like crying
Call me
I don't promise
That I will make you laugh
But I can cry with you

If one day you want to run away
Don't be afraid to call me
I don't promise to ask you to stop
But I can run with you

If one day you don't want to listen to anyone
Call me
I promise to be quiet

But if one day you call me
And there is no answer
Come fast to see me
Maybe I need you

If I ever ignored you
I'm sorry
If I ever made you feel bad or put you down
I'm sorry
If I ever thought I was bigger or better than you
I'm sorry

I love you
Don't ever forget that
Through bad times and good
I'll be there with you
I'm sorry for everything wrong I've ever done

I'm writing this because what if tomorrow never comes?
What if I never get to say goodbye or give you a big hug?
What if I never get to say I'm sorry or I love you?
Because what if tomorrow never comes?

~Costa Rica @ Le Paris~

When The Heart Is Closed, Remain Open To Love

There are times when we long to be able to help someone whom we love very much, but we can do nothing. Circumstances will not allow us to approach them, or the person is closed off to any gesture of solidarity and support. Then all we are left is love. At such times, when we can do nothing else, we can still love – without expecting any reward or change or gratitude. If we do this, the energy of love will begin to transform the universe about us. Wherever this energy appears, it always achieves its ends. ‘Time does not transform man. Will-power does not transform man. Love transform,’ says Henry Drummond.
Love transforms and love cures; but, sometimes, love builds deadly traps and can end up destroying a person who had resolved to give him or herself completely. What is this complex feeling which, deep down, is only reason we continue to live, struggle and improve?
I can’t define it, because I, along with every other human being, can only feel it. But I have learned that this feeling is present in the small things, and manifest itself in the most insignificant of our action. It is necessary, therefore, to keep love always in mind, regardless of whatever or not we take action. And when nothing is possible, when all that remains is loneliness, then remember this story.

A rose dreamed day and night about bees, but no bee ever landed on her petals. The flower, however, continued to dream. During the long nights, she imagined a heaven full of bees, which flew down to bestow fond kisses on her. By doing this, she was able to last until the next day, when she opened again to the light of the sun.
One night, the moon, who knew of the rose’s loneliness, asked:
‘Aren’t you tired of waiting?’
‘Possibly, but I have to keep trying.’
‘Why?’
‘Because if I don’t remain open, I will simply fade away.’

At times, when loneliness seems to crush all beauty, the only way to resist is to remain open.

Oh, Allah, I turn to You because You know everything, even what is hidden.
If what I am doing is good for me and for my religion, for my life now and hereafter, then let the task be easy and blessed.
If what I am doing is bad for me and for my religion, for my life now and hereafter, remove me from that task.
(Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.)

~ Source: LTFR ~

Catatan Usai Kembara Mencari Diri

Menatap wajah mulus dan mata bening yang memancarkan harapan membuatkan aku semakin nekad untuk meneruskan dan memaknai perjalanan ini dengan memberi. Perjalanan ini masih panjang dan jauh, InsyaAllah. Hati yang walang dan jasad yang tidak sekuat mana seakan terubat dengan memberi. Nikmat ini juga sesunguhnya daripada Dia dan mereka yang terlebih dahulu memberi. Untuk itu, terima kasih …

Terima kasih Abah, Ma, kakak-kakak dan adik-adik
Untuk kasih sayang kalian
Untuk doa dan restu kalian

Terima kasih Abang Is yang telah pergi
Untuk jasa dan budi
Untuk kasih sayang setulus hati
Untuk kenangan yang abadi

Terima kasih abang yang tak pernah kupanggil abang
Untuk ilmu, kisah dan pengalaman yang dikongsi
Untuk kasih sayang dan sokongan yang diberi
Untuk kebahagiaan dan keperitan yang kita lalui

Terima kasih teman dan sahabat
Untuk ikatan dan ingatan
Untuk ukhwah dan persaudaraan

Terima kasih adik-adik dan anak-anak Umi
Untuk hari-hari keriangan
Untuk detik-detik keindahan

Terima kasih semua
Kerana memaknai perjalananku di dunia

Yang teratas untuk segala-galanya
Terima kasih Tuhan
Untuk kekuatan ini
Untuk kehidupan ini

PKMD 2008

Epilog Rindu

Prolog:
Bila bunga-bunga kelayuan berguguran…

Bagaikan pelangi selepas hujan reda
Indah berseri mewarnai alam
Beburung berterbangan riang berkicauan
Tiada lagi mendung semalam

Damainya di hati bila terpandang wajahmu
Manis senyuman menghulurkan salam
Lembut tutur bicara tersusun bahasa
Hapus sudah titis airmata

Kenangkan suka dan duka yang dilalui bersama
Indahnya kenangan yang pernah tercipta
Hindarkan persengketaan, jernihkan kekeruhan
Bara amarahmu jangan dinyalakan

Kasih dan sayang membentuk titian rindu
Menghubungkan hati yang lama terpisah
Mengeratkan lagi ukhuwah
Yang lama telah terbina
Bahagia dalam maghfirahNya
Oh…indahnya jalinan kasih sayang

Tidak sempurna iman, tidak bernama insan
Andai permusuhan dibiar berterusan
Leburkan keegoan, hulurkan kemaafan
Semoga sentosa dalam keredhaan

Epilog:
Tinggal duri-duri yang mencalar melukakan…

Greatest Love Of All

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

Chorus:
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Chorus

And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

At The End Of Your Life...

Nobody like to write about death actually and this is not a topic anyone likes to think about. But again I'd like to share what Paulo Coelho wrote about death.

"I saw death as my daily companion, who is always by my side, saying: 'I will touch you, but u don't know when. Therefore, live life as intensely as you can.' Because of this, I never leave until tomorrow what I can do or experience today - and that includes joys, work obligation, saying I'm sorry if I feel I've offended someone, and contemplation of the present moment as if it were my last. My epitaph wrote 'He died while he was still alive.' That might seem a contradiction in terms; but I know a lot of people who have stopped living, even though they continue working and eating and carrying on with their usual social activities. They do everything on automatic pilot, unaware of the magic moment that each day brings with it, never stopping to think about the miracle of life, not understanding that the next minute could be their last on the face of this planet. I have a duty to my readers - to make them think about the important things in life. And death is the most important thing. We are all walking towards death, but we never know when death will touch us and it is our duty, therefore, to look around us, to be grateful for each minute. But we should also be grateful to death, because it makes us think about the importance of each decision we take, or fail to take; it makes us stop doing anything that keeps us stuck in the category of the 'living dead' and, instead, urges us to risk everything, to bet everything on those things we always dreamed of doing, because, whether we like it or not, the angel of death is waiting for us."

And this is what I wrote when comes to answer the question - If, at the end of your life, you had an opportunity to evaluate it, what would you have accomplished and contributed, who would you have been for your family, friends, community and so forth?

"Pada akhir hayat saya, saya mahu memastikan saya dapat mencapai impian saya untuk membantu orang lain untuk mengetahui dengan jelas apa yang mereka inginkan dalam hidup mereka. Saya mahu dikenang sebagai seorang individu yang bertanggungjawab serta menyayangi dan disayangi oleh keluarga, rakan-rakan serta anggota masyarakat. Saya juga mahu dikenang sebagai individu yang sentiasa bersedia membantu sesiapa sahaja. Saya juga mahu keluarga, rakan-rakan serta sesiapa saja yang telah saya bantu dapat meneruskan kesinambungan impian saya agar setiap dari mereka kemudiannya dapat membantu orang lain memperoleh “nilai” daripada impian tersebut."

Tabahlah Hati

Tabahlah hati
Dugaan ini dari Rabbul Izzati
Setiap yang berlaku hikmah mengiringi

Tabahlah hati
Andai sering diuji sebegini
Menambah kuat diri sendiri

Tabahlah hati
Khilaf sendiri perlu dicari
Buat pedoman itu yang pasti

Tabahlah hati
Bukan mudah mencari yang memahami
Namun jangan sesekali berlalu pergi

Tabahlah hati
Tak perlu memencil membawa diri
Dengan izin-Nya kebenaran terbukti

Tabahlah hati
Walaupun dilukai tiada benci
Kasih sayang hakiki dan abadi

Tabahlah hati
Ingat janji yang sudah dipateri
Jangan terabai dibuai emosi

Tabahlah hati
Usah menangis lagi
Allah itu Maha Mengasihi
Lagi Maha Mengetahui

How To Climb Mountains

I’m reading Like The Flowing River by Paulo Coelho and I found something interesting to share. He wrote a chapter titled ‘How to Climb Mountains’.

Choose the mountain you want to climb
Don’t be influence by what other people say: ‘that one’s prettier’ or ‘that one looks easier’. You are going to put a lot of energy and enthusiasm into achieving your objective, and you are the only person responsible for your choice, so be quite sure about what you are doing.

Find out how to reach the mountain
Often you can see the mountain in the distance – beautiful, interesting, full of challenges. However, when you try to reach it, what happens? It’s surrounded by roads; forests lie between you and your objective; and what seems clear on the map is far more complicated in reality. So you must try all the paths and tracks until, one day, you find yourself before the peak you intend to climb.

Learn from someone who has been there before
However unique you may think you are, there is always someone who has had the same dream before, and who will have left signs behind that will make the climb less arduous: the best place to attach a rope, trodden paths, branches broken off to make it easier to pass. It is your climb and it is your responsibility too, but never forget that other people’s experiences are always helpful.

Dangers, seen from close to, are controllable
When you start to climb the mountain of your dreams, pay attention to what is around you. There are almost imperceptible cracks. There are stones polished so smooth by rain and wind that they have become as slippery as ice. But if you know where you are putting your foot, you will see any traps and be able to avoid them.

The landscape changes, so make the most of it
You must, naturally, always keep in mind your objective – reaching the top. However, as you climb, the view changes, and there is nothing wrong with stopping now and then to enjoy the vista. With each meter you climb, you can see a little further, so take time to discover things you have never noticed before.

Respect your body
You will only manage to climb a mountain if you give your body the care it deserves. You have all time that life gives you, so do not demand too much from your body. If you walk too quickly, you will grow tired and give up halfway. If you walk too slowly, night might fall and you will get lost. Enjoy the landscape, drink the cool spring water, and eat the fruit that nature so generously offers you, but keep walking.

Respect your soul
Don’t keep repeating, ‘I’m going to do it.’ Your soul knows this already. What it needs to do is to use this long walk in order to grow, to reach out as far as the horizon, to touch the sky. Obsession will not help you in the search for your goal, and will end up spoiling the pleasure of the climb. On the other hand, don’t keep repeating, ‘It’s harder than I thought,’ because that will sap your inner strength.

Be prepared to go the extra mile
The distance to the top of the mountain is always greater than you think. There is bound to come a moment when what seemed so close is still very far away. But since you are prepared to go still further, this should not be a problem.

Be joyful when you reach the top
Cry, clap your hands, shout out loud that you made it; let the wind (because it is always windy up there) purify your mind, cool your hot, weary feet, open your eyes, blow the dust out of your heart. What was once only a dream, a distant vision, is now part of your life. You made it, and that is good.

Make a promise
Now that you have discovered a strength you did not even know you had, tell yourself that you will use it for the rest of your days; promise yourself, too, to discover another mountain and set off a new adventure.

Tell your story
Yes, tell your story. Be an example to others. Tell everyone that it’s possible, and then others will find the courage to climb their own mountains.

Later when I read a story about Genghis Khan and His Falcon in the same book, I found this quote:

“Even when a friend does something you do not like, he continues to be your friend”

and

“Any action committed in anger is an action doomed to failure”

The Gift of Knowing You

The Gift Of Knowing You

There are gifts of many treasures
For both the young and old,
From the tiniest little trinkets
To great boxes filled with gold.

But, put them all together
And they could not stand in lieu,
Of the greatest gift of all
The gift of knowing you.

When your times are filled with troubles
Sadness, grief, or even doubt,
When all those things you planned on
Just aren't turning out.

Just turn and look behind you
From the place at which you stand,
And look for me through the shadows
And reach out for my hand.

I will lift from you your burden
And cry for you your tears,
Bear the pain of all your sorrows
Though it may be for a thousand years.

For in the end I would be happy
To have helped you start anew,
It's a small price to pay
For the gift of knowing you.
- Dave Stout -

What Serve You The Best?

Our attitude is not something we’re stuck with forever. We can change it whenever we wish. Our attitude does not define us. It does, however, represent us to the rest of the world. Our attitude does not determine who we are. It does, however, determine what we can accomplish. Our attitude is not the inevitable result of events that happen to us or circumstances that surround us. It is, instead, based on the way we choose to respond to the events and circumstances in our life. We can choose an attitude that will open our eyes to the valuable possibilities. We can choose an attitude that will attract success and accomplishment to us like a magnet. No matter what has happened in the past or where we are now, we are free to choose whatever attitude we wish. So choose, in every moment, a positive, empowering attitude. For that will always serve you the best.

Often your tasks will be many,
And more than you think you can do.
Often the road will be rugged
And the hills insurmountable, too.
But always remember,
The hills ahead
Are never as steep as they seem,
And with faith in your heart
Start upward
And climb until you reach your dream.
For nothing in life that is worthy
Is ever too hard to achieve
If you have the courage to try it,
And you have the faith to believe.
For faith is a force that is greater
Than knowledge or power or skill,
And many defeats turn to triumph
If you trust in God’s wisdom and will.
For faith is a mover of mountains,
There’s nothing that God cannot do,
So, start out today with faith in your heart,
And climb until your dream comes true!

Do This If I Really Want To...

Yeah...do this if I really wanna do this. Not to please anybody nor just for the sake of the program. If I choose to do this I know why I choose to do this anyway :-)

To Heal With LOVE

I believe that everything in life happens for a reason and we only need to recognize the perfection around us. People are not their behaviours and pure love is unconditional and never judgmental.
When we believe other people has hurt us, the only thing we can ever do is to forgive and love. When we forgive them, we don’t need to express our forgiveness, because often we have felt hurt for something that was not meant to hurt us. Many times our need to forgive is often to forgive them for something that we perceived was done to us. It is not necessarily that they wronged us, meant to wrong us or even believe they hurt us.
Forgiveness allows us to forgive for our perception as well as for how we reacted to our perception. Forgiveness allows us to recognize that people don’t necessarily mean to hurt each other but that we can rectify any situation by offering love, compassion, forgiveness and truly feeling remorse at any pain, or perceived pain we have caused.
When we say sorry from our hearts and soul, others feel our love and it does indeed help our own healing, our own growth and ultimately helps us find peace. When we forgive ourselves and when we apologize to others, we are expressing our love: Our love of self, of each other and of God.
Love is what matters in the world. This is my belief. I don’t believe in conditions or demands and I believe that what we put out comes back around to us.

They say...
Rules in love and life. Five Rules to be happy:

1) Free your heart from hatred,

2) Free your mind from worry,

3) Live simply,

4) Expect less and,

5) Give more

And they also say...
It takes 3 seconds to say “I love you”,

3 minutes to explain it,

3 hours to demonstrate it,

3 days to appreciate it,

3 trimester to produce it,

but a LIFETIME to prove it.

Well...The real test of true love is having all the things go wrong but still having a special way to love despite of all the wrong things that may happen.

Always take a CHANCE. The end result may not always be what you hoped for but that’s fine. At least, you will never go through life wondering “What if… and “If only….”

Hold a friend’s hand through times of trial, let him/her find love through a hug and a smile. But also know when it is time to let go, for each and everyone of us must learn to grow.

Love is not a word to say when we feel guilty nor the right word to say when we like a person. But LOVE really matters when we share our thoughts, our minds and our hearts.

Never whisper words of love if the feeling is not true. Never share your feeling if you mean to break a heart. Never look into my eyes if all you have to do is lie.

Genuine friendship is not measured by time but it is measured by acceptance. A friend is one where even though you reflect the silver, he/she sees the GOLD.

Six of the Best

When You Believe You Can

There is great power in belief.
It will open your eyes,
your opportunities will become plain,
and your vision can become reality.

There is nothing that stands between you
and what you want from life
except your will to try it
and the faith to believe that it is possible.
Everything is possible if you believe it is.

You must find the energy and determination to keep going.
Your mind will amaze your body and keep it energized.
Keep telling yourself, I can do it,
I must do it, I will do it.

You will only succeed when you believe you can succeed.
The only limit to your realization of tomorrow
will be your doubts of today.

Your mind sets your limits.
To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen,
and dreams really do come true.

To believe is to see angels
dancing among the clouds
To know the wonder of a stardust sky
and the wisdom of the man in the moon.

To believe is to know the value
of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child's eyes
and the beauty of an aging hand,
for it is through their teachings we learn to love.

To believe is to find the strength and
courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up
the pieces and begin again.

To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.

To believe is to know that wonderful
surprises are just waiting to happen,
And all our hopes and dreams
are within reach.

"IF ONLY WE BELIEVE"

Hold On Tightly to What is Truly Important in Life

Hold on to faith

it is the source of believing that all things are possible.
It is the fiber and strength of a confident soul.

Hold on to hope

it banishes doubt and enables attitudes to be positive and cheerful.

Hold on to trust

it is at the core of fruitful relationships that are secure and content.

Hold on to love

it is life's greatest gift of all,

for it shares, cares, and gives meaning to life.

Hold on to family and friends

they are the most important people in your life,

and they make the world a better place.
They are your roots and the beginnings that you grew from

they are the vine that has grown through time to nourish you,

help you on your way,

and always remain close by.

Hold on to all that you are and all that you have learned,

for these things are what make you unique.
Don't ignore what you feel and what you believe is right and important

Your heart has a way of speaking louder than your mind.

Hold on to your dreams

achieve them diligently and honestly.

Never take the easy way or surrender to deceit.

Remember others on your way and take time to care for their needs.
Enjoy the beauty around you.

Have the courage to see things differently and clearly.

Make the world a better place one day at a time,

and don't let go of the important things that give meaning to your life.

Trust

You Hurt Me...

Wajah

Berkali tersungkur

Pandanganku kabur

Namun azam meneruskan hidup

Tak pernah luntur...

Live Life To The Fullest

It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had.

Moving at last...

My empty room and my boxes...

I Miss You

I Love You

Ada Untukmu

Aku berikan kasih

Kalau itu yang kau mahu dariku

Aku berikan cinta

Untuk membahagiakan harimu

Aku sayang dirimu

Biarpun nafasku sampai terhenti

Akan kukota janji kita...

Pelangi Petang

Cinta, Sayang dan Rindu...

Apabila kita mencintai seseorang sebenarnya kita telahpun merelakan hati untuk dilukai. Apabila kita telah menyayangi seseorang, sesungguhnya kita telahpun membenarkan diri untuk dibenci. Apabila kita terlalu merindui seseorang, kita telahpun bersedia untuk dilupakan. Meskipun amat terseksa tapi itulah hakikat hidup dan pengajaran yang perlu dirasai apabila kasih tak berbalas.

Ada masanya kita tidak perlu lagi menoleh ke belakang andainya sejarah silam hanya melukakan hati namun ada ketikanya kita perlu mengingati biarpun terasa pedih kerana ada seseorang yang bermakna menghiasi pengalaman hidup yang pernah kita lalui.

Ada masanya kita terpaksa lepaskan peluang yang lalu di depan mata, ada waktunya kita terpaksa lepaskan sesuatu yang tak mungkin kita miliki kerana selalunya hakikat hidup tak akan sama dengan kebetulan yang kadang kala tak disangka.

Kadang kala apa yang kita inginkan tak akan sama dengan apa yang kita harapkan. Ada kalanya apa yang kita harapkan tak akan sama dengan apa yang kita impikan kerana impian hanyalah ilusi, harapan hanyalah kemahuan yang cuba kita gapai, sedangkan segalanya belum tentu untuk dijadikan realiti.

Kasih sayang bukan hanya sekadar ucapan, bukan sekadar memiliki tapi kasih sayang adalah sesuatu yang memberi kita kekuatan dan makna sebuah perhubungan. (hmti)

Salam Aidilfitri

Andai Ini Ramadan Terakhir...

Biarlah...

Payahnya apabila diri disalahtafsirkan. Namun apa kudratku untuk membetulkan salah tafsir itu? Biarlah…
Luahanku disalahtafsirkan sebagai mencari salah dan silap orang lain. Luahanku disalahtafsirkan sebagai tidak menghormati pilihan orang lain. Seandainya tiada lagi telinga yang mahu mendengar setiap luahanku, biarlah. Aku masih ada DIA yang sedia mendengar setiap luahanku tanpa menyalahtafsirkannya.
DIA mengurniakan aku cara pemikiran yang begini bukan untuk aku mencari salah dan silap manusia lain. Sekiranya pemikiran aku ini dianggap menunjukkan pandai, biarlah. Aku tahu aku berhak untuk melihat sesuatu dari sisi yang lain tetapi bukan untuk memperkecilkan impian dan pilihan orang lain.
Aku cuba menjadi manusia yang sejujur mungkin. Namun biarlah sekiranya kejujuran aku diragui. Biarlah sekiranya setiap kata-kataku dikatakan lebih berbaur emosi daripada rasional. Biarlah sekiranya setiap kritikku dikatakan terselit cemburu dan iri hati. Biarlah. Sekurang-kurangnya aku berani berterus terang daripada mengata di belakang. Aku memilih untuk meluahkan daripada menyimpan perasaan.
Aku ini manusia yang mencari ilmu untuk belajar menjadi lebih baik. Ilmu itu untuk aku manfaatkan dan aku amalkan. Namun mata dia melihat aku masih seperti dahulu.
Aku masih dengan ‘victim stories’.
Aku menganggap aku sentiasa betul.
Aku tidak bersedia menerima ‘feedback’ dan tidak mahu berubah.
Aku suka mengkritik namun aku tidak boleh dikritik.
Aku ibarat ketam yang mengajar anaknya berjalan dengan betul.
Ya…mata dia berhak menilai aku kerana dia berkongsi ilmu untuk menolong orang lain menjadi lebih baik, tetapi di matanya aku gagal menjadi lebih baik. Dia seperti mengenali diri aku lebih dari aku sendiri. Biarlah. Hakikatnya, hanya aku dan DIA yang tahu apa yang aku peroleh dari perkongsian ilmu itu. DIA yang lebih mengetahui bagaimana aku memanfaatkan dan mengamalkan segala yang kuperoleh.
Pencarian aku tak akan berhenti di sini. Aku mahu terus mencari untuk menjadi manusia yang lebih baik. Namun mungkin DIA telah mentakdirkan bahawa perkongsian ilmu aku dan dia hanya berakhir di sini. Aku tidak mampu membayar harga ilmu dia yang selebihnya. Biarlah. Dia berhak menentukan harga ilmunya. Biarlah. Ilmu DIA ada di mana-mana. Dengan izin DIA aku akan bertemu juga dengan manusia yang bersedia berkongsi ilmu dan membimbing aku untuk menjadi lebih baik. Yang penting aku mahu.
Hidup ini penuh dengan ironi dan paradoks. Mata dia melihat aku tidak berubah tetapi matanya juga melihat aku sebenarnya berubah. Mungkin maksudnya, aku yang meletakkan diri aku di luar bukan orang lain. Biarlah. Mata dia dan mata yang lain melihat aku berubah tetapi tidak sesiapa pun yang mahu menyelami mengapa aku berubah. Biarlah. Zahirnya aku berubah tetapi banyak yang ada di dalam hati aku ini tidak pernah berubah termasuklah kasih sayang aku pada mereka.
Emosi aku, aku yang memilihnya. Namun emosi yang kupilih punya sebabnya. Tak terjadi dengan sendirinya. Mana mungkin aku menangis kalau orang membuat jenaka. Dan sekiranya dia mahu melihat aku menangis sekarang demi melihat aku senyum dan ketawa kemudiannya, biarlah. Aku hanya memohon DIA memberi aku kekuatan untuk memahami setiap perlakuan dia. Moga aku tidak pergi dalam tangisan. Moga tidak tumbuh benci dan dendam di atas air mata yang mengalir.
Untuk Sang Anonymous yang mungkin sering bertandang. Seharusnya aku membalas maki hamunmu dengan maki hamun juga. Tetapi itu bukan sikap aku. Ruang peribadi ini tidak ada sekatan untuk sesiapa namun tidak seharusnya kau mencerobohnya dengan cara yang tidak beradab. Ruang peribadi ini untuk aku meluahkan rasa hatiku tentang apa-apa saja dan tentang sesiapa saja. Apa hakmu untuk menentukan apa yang aku perlu tulis. Selama ini aku juga tidak pernah peduli kalau ada yang mahu menulis tentang aku, baik atau buruk. Aku juga tidak pernah peduli kalau ada yang tidak pernah mengabadikan tentang aku di ruang peribadinya. Itu hak masing-masing.
Sekiranya aku menulis sesuatu yang kau tidak senangi tentang idolamu, mengapa kau yang perlu lebih terasa? Itu antara aku dan dia. Meskipun kau terlalu mengagungkannya, lihatlah dia sebagai manusia. Apa yang aku tahu tentang dia tak sama dengan apa yang kau tahu tentang dia.
Aku tidak pernah merasakan diri aku sempurna dan tentunya aku tidak akan menjadi manusia yang sehebat idolamu. Aku manusia yang penuh dengan sisi gelap yang menjijikkan tetapi aku mahu menjadi manusia yang lebih baik, yang istimewa dengan cara aku sendiri. Aku tidak akan berhenti di sini, tetapi dengan izin DIA, aku tetap akan teruskan hidup dengan pilihan aku sendiri.

Feelings...

Actually I don't really know what I am suppose to feel right now! I don't even know how to feel those feelings!

1st Day at Work

Pilihan Hidup

Kadang kala kita bingung, kita rasa keliru, apa yang kita nak sebenarnya dalam hidup. Apa sebenarnya jalan yang kita mahukan dalam hidup. Kita mahu kehidupan yang macam mana... Kadang-kadang kita tak tahu nak pilih. Semalam seorang teman yang jauh, membicarakan pada aku betapa sukarnya untuk buat pilihan dalam hidupnya. Aku cakap, memanglah sukar kerana hidup ini sebenarnya sebuah pilihan. Apa yang kita pilih hari ini adalah lakaran untuk hari esok. Masa depan akan terbentuk dengan pilihan yang kita buat pada hari ini.

The Lonely Heart

Terima kasih...

Hidup aku tak semudah yang orang lihat, tak seindah yang orang dengar. Ada yang cemburu dan ada yang mengata di belakangku. Aku tak pernah ambil peduli. Aku tak hidup dan mati atas cakap-cakap orang. Tapi aku akan menangis setiap kali aku tersentuh kerana kebaikan orang apatah lagi apabila aku disakiti.

Bukan mudah menjadi seorang IRA. Tak usah cemburu dengan apa yang aku ada kerana aku hidup dalam kepayahan yang orang lain tak sanggup lalui. Percayalah...

Namun begitu, aku amat berterima kasih kepada Tuhan atas kasih sayang ini. Juga terima kasih atas ketulusan mereka yang menyayangi aku dan menerima aku seadanya.

Aku

AKU
-Allahyarham Chairil Anwar-

Kalau sampai waktuku
'Ku mau tak seorang kan merayu
Tidak juga kau
Tak perlu sedu sedan itu
Aku ini binatang jalang
Dari kumpulannya terbuang
Biar peluru menembus kulitku
Aku tetap meradang menerjang
Luka dan bisa kubawa berlari
Berlari
Hingga hilang pedih peri
Dan aku akan lebih tidak perduli
Aku mau hidup seribu tahun lagi

New Beginning - June 2nd 2008

My new workstation

~ Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. ~

Your life has an inner purpose and an outer purpose. Inner purpose concerns being and is primary. Outer purpose concerns doing and it is secondary. Your inner purpose is to awaken. It is as simple as that. You share that purpose with every other person on the planet - because it is the purpose of humanity. Your inner purpose is an essential part of the purpose of the whole, the universe and its emerging intelligence. Your outer purpose can change over time. It varies greatly from person to person. Finding and living in alignment with the inner purpose is the foundation for fulfilling your outer purpose. It is the basis for true success. Without that alignment, you can still achieve certain things through effort, struggle, determination, and sheer hard work or cunning. But there is no joy in such endevor, and it invariably ends in some form of suffering.

If you are feeling bad about something that you have done in your past, remember this, "You can't be who you are today, without being who you were in the past."

Jika Ingin Berteman

Apabila kau ingin SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana kelebihannya,
Kerana mungkin dengan satu kelemahan,
Kau mungkin akan menjauhinya...

Andai kau ingin SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana kebaikannya,
Kerana mungkin dengan satu keburukan,
Kau akan membencinya...

Andai kau inginkan SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana ilmunya,
Kerana apabila dia buntu,
Kau mungkin akan memfitnahnya...

Andai kau inginkan SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana sifat cerianya,
Kerana andai dia tidak pandai menceriakan,
Kau mungkin akan menyalahkannya...

Andai kau inginkan SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Terimalah dia seadanya,
Kerana dia seorang TEMAN,
Yang hanya manusia biasa...

Kelemahan ... Kekurangan ... Keburukan ...
Kalau itu yang kau boleh terima dari seorang TEMAN
Tidak mustahil kau akan memperolehi keseimbangan dalam berteman
Kerana kau juga tidak sempurna,
Tiada siapa yang sempurna...

Missing the boat...

We often say we want only the best and nothing but the best. But when the best actually came along, where were we?

Tears

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand toungues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love...

I Believe

I believe- That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe- That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in awhile and, you must forgive them for that.

I believe-That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe- That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe- That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe- That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe- That you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe-That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe- That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe- That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time!

I believe- That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe- That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe- That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe- That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe- That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe- That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe- That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe- That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe- That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe- That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe- That the people you care about most in life are the essence of life. Tell them today how much you love them and what they mean to you.

The Most Beautiful Heart

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.
Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared -- how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought?
The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears." "Yes," said the old man, "yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.
~Author Unknown~

Cerita ini mengingatkan aku pada abang. Dia bukan manusia sempurna tetapi bagi aku, dia memiliki hati yang begitu luhur. Semalam aku luangkan masa membaca sebahagian emel daripada abang yang memenuhi kantung inbox hotmail. Terasa bagaikan abang ada di sisi menemaniku membaca setiap bait kata yang tertera. Dalam puluhan emel yang aku ulang baca semalam, aku amat terkesan dengan kata-kata abang yang satu ini.
"Kita ialah makhluk Allah yang paling istimewa tetapi kita sering melupakan keistimewaan itu dengan mengatakan kita cuma manusia biasa. Sebagai manusia biasa kita pasti terkhilaf namun kekhilafan kita bukan semata-mata kerana kita manusia biasa. Kadang-kadang kita terkhilaf kerana kita menidakkan keistimewaan kita. Jadilah manusia biasa yang istimewa. Istimewa dengan cara kita sendiri."

Menyusur kembali setiap kenangan bersama abang membuatkan aku semakin faham maksud di sebalik kata-kata itu. He loved me dearly. He knew all my secrets...deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows...and yet in the end, he didnt think any less of me; even if the rest of the world does. Sesungguhnya abang seorang manusia biasa yang istimewa dengan caranya sendiri. Mampukah aku mencontohi abang untuk menyayangi manusia di luar sana dengan sebegitu ikhlas? Mampukah aku memberi sinar kepada orang lain seperti yang dihasratkan oleh arwah Tok Ayah sewaktu menamakan aku dulu. Bukan mampu atau tidak tapi memilih antara nak atau tak nak!

Abang,
Hari ini seperti 6 tahun yang lalu, adik tidak lagi berkesempatan memeluk dan mengucup tangan dan pipi abang untuk mengucapkan Selamat Hari Lahir. Hanya doa dihadiahkan semoga abang aman di sana. Maaf kerana sudah lama adik tidak mengunjungi pusara abang. Adik tidak mahu lagi membasahkan pusara abang dengan air mata. Cukuplah adik mendoakan kesejahteraan abang dari jauh.

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.”

Kebelakangan ini aku dikuasai emosi. Terlalu. Emosi aku seakan mengalirkan lahar yang sekian lama terpendam. Lahar itu tidak meletus tapi cuma mengalir perlahan. Namun cukup untuk menutup pandangan hati aku tentang sesuatu yang selama ini amat aku mengerti dan fahami. Sedar atau tidak aku telah melukakan hati insan (mungkin insan-insan) yang amat aku sayangi. Ya...aku manusia biasa yang selalunya tewas dengan emosi tapi itu bukan alasan untuk aku menidakkan kesilapanku. Salah tetap salah dan aku tidak malu untuk memohon maaf.

Dear bro,
I know that you believe I understand what you think and what you said. But I'm not sure you realize that what I heard is not what you meant. There is a great difference between knowing and understanding. You can know a lot about something and not really understand it.

I take you for granted vs You take me for granted

When was the last time that one of your loved ones came up to you and with a lot of excitement said, "I just heard this guy talk about something very profound. He was saying... such and such. Isn't that amazing?"
And you felt a wave of strange energy, as if somebody just poured a bucket of cold water over you. You didn't know how to react, because you were thinking, "I have been trying to tell you the same thing for such a long time, but you never heard me. And now it takes a total stranger to say the same thing once, and you take it as a message for the heavens...."
While disappointed with the process, deep down you are also happy that they "finally got it", but you wished it could have been done much sooner, when you first told them.
And then, there is the other side of the coin. When was the last time you approached one of your loved ones with considerable excitement and said, "you can't believe what I just heard. So and so was saying such and such... isn't that amazing?"
And you were waiting for them to share the same excitement at receiving this revelation, and be just as inspired and energized as yourself, but all you get is "the look". They try very hard to be congenial, and eventually utter something benign, or even lame. Something like, "that's nice!"
So you are thinking to yourself, either they didn't get it, or it is one of those things that they just had to be there...
Why is it that we consider strangers to be bearers of heavenly inspiration and messengers of the divine? Why is it that those closest to us very rarely - if at all - have the same impact?
And conversely, why is it that we constantly make impact on strangers and those whom we hardly know, yet when it comes to the ones we love most and have known most intimately, we can seldom make a dent?
They say everybody is a hero in somebody else's town.
This is very evident in the stories of the lives of the prophets. Jesus was a carpenter in Nazareth, yet Christ everywhere else. Mohammed had to migrate before he was taken seriously. Prince Siddhartha could not become Buddha until he left the Palace. And Zarathushtra made very little impact in his own hometown. Only when he got to a faraway land, did he manage to change the world of his time.
While reflecting upon this notion, I realized that it is in our nature to become familiar with what is surrounding us. Our home becomes familiar, our town and the local streets, our workplace, they all become familiar. And after a while, we know exactly where everything is. We even know the potholes down our street.
And in the same way, our companions, those with whom we spend the most amount of time, become very familiar to us. We know exactly what they look like, and how they behave... except that they change and they generally grow to behave differently with time.
Just like the potholes down our street may be fixed and paved over, the potholes in the character of our loved ones also fill up - and perhaps some new ones are created - and the grooves in their features also change - and generally multiply with age.
But because of our familiarity, we rarely look at them with fresh eyes, and even more rarely interact with them with a fresh mind.
We take them for granted, and they take us for granted. We don't hear what they say because our ears are already full of what they would say. But we hear the voice of the stranger, because we have no preconceived notions - at least not until they open their mouth.
By the same token, our loved ones are not receptive to our wisdom, but venerate the wisdom of strangers. We try to justify it by nice spiritual platitudes such as "when the student is ready, the teacher appears". But that is mainly to convince ourselves that our wisdom was sound and we are OK.
In a way, taking someone for granted is a defense mechanism. A shield with which to protect ourselves against exposing our ignorance. If I can disregard what my loved ones say, then I am really no dumber than they are.
But why do we accept the fact that we are also taken for granted? Perhaps that too is a defense mechanism. If I am taken for granted, then the gems that I share become commonplace. Once they are devalued to that level, or should I say, once I have allowed them to become devalued to such a level, then these gems of wisdom are no more than colored glass and bits of quartz found on any beach.
And if the gifts that I can share, are not really of that much value, then I don't have to go through the trouble of sharing them with others. And thus I have relieved myself of my human responsibility of sharing my gifts with the world.
The less I have to exert myself and go out there to give of myself, the more I can crawl back into my comfort zone. And that gives me further opportunity to shield myself, by being taken for granted even more. What a wonderfully effective self-defense mechanism. It feeds on itself.
Except that it misses one thing. It may bring us comfort and ease, but the cost of that comfort is the loss of our humanness.
So what is the solution? Can I force myself upon my loved ones? Can I force them to not take me for granted? Should I push myself upon them, over and over again, until they finally get it, and acknowledge that I have all these gems to share with them?
Of course not. Like everything else, the solution is an inside job. The only reason others (those close to me or otherwise) may take me for granted is because I have taken myself for granted. And the only way I can stop taking myself for granted is by stopping to take others for granted.
So my only way out is to have the spirit of a child - to look at the world with fresh eyes, to hear everything with fresh ears, and to interact with everyone with a fresh mind.
So the next time we connect, if I take you for granted, don't get upset with me. Just smile at me, and wink - and I will know....